Long before I threw myself to you the orange birds produced quick melodies with their purple tongues. I felt like a small girl, observing them while many important situations unraveled before me, situations I had nothing at all to do with. For example, the first female British prime minister was appointed. I squinted hard at her picture, she seemed to have accomplished so many things. The newsman mumbled for an entire hour just listing all that she had witnessed in her life, all that she had contributed and all that she had been a part of. People like her made me feel painfully small. They made me feel like there was something wrong with sitting idle, cross-legged, clawing through trash, observing birds, counting freckles, chasing sheep. I felt rather odd, spinning my separate lies, feasting on fetid fantasies, dozing in damp basements, peeling warm, mushy tangerines. What would I have done?